My Cloudy Days, Part 1



A dark cloud covers me.
The sun may be shining,
But all I see is rain.
I pray for relief.
I beg for freedom.
I know He hears me,
But the answer never comes.
The cloud continues to darken my soul.

My joy has left me.
I feel only sadness.
I feel only darkness.
Sometimes, I feel nothing.
My life is passing quickly,
And I am missing out.
I call out for it to stop.
I pray for slower days.
But it continues to fly by,
Quicker each day.

I do my duties.
 I continue each day.
I put on a mask,
And cover my pain.
Everything has become monotonous!
God doesn't answer,
So I stop asking.
I know it's me.
I know I should try harder...
But why?
Life seems pointless.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Trial of Humiliation

This week I have been struggling with humiliation and embarrassment. I never thought I was the type of person who would suffer so much under these conditions but I have been sick to my stomach and randomly crying. Most of you probably know that I am a new teacher. I became certified to teach English as a second language in June of this past summer. I didn't begin teaching until the last week of August. I am teaching two classes, both from separate employers. I understand that being a teacher requires you to be scrutinized and observed occasionally. I'm OK with that as I know I still need a lot of help and improvement of my skills. Of course, it's necessary for your employer to make sure things are up to their standards. I found out yesterday shortly before one of my classes that I would be observed. This caused me to become very nervous. I hadn't planned and prepared as thoroughly as normal and I was having technical difficulties with my printer at home. I didn'
Read more

Perseverance

I will persevere! I will carry on! Though it seems life is pointless, Though it seems I'm going in circles, God has a plan and a purpose. I know He will bring me To the place I ultimately belong. The clouds are parting, And the sun is peeking through. Some days are still dreary, But I can feel the healing. For the first time in months, I can smile freely! Trusting in God, Whether I feel His presence or not, I know He is here, Carrying me in His arms. I am weary and stretched, But He gives me strength For each new day. If I am to know Him, I must share in His sufferings. Who better to share with Than my Most High God? He knows me more intimately Than any other. He is the only one who can heal me. I will press on And fix my eyes to the goal. No matter what happens around me, Though all my friends fail Or abandon me, I'll keep my eyes on the prize For He never fails, Nor will He leave me!
Read more

The Little Girl Who Saved Me

Transparency is here and it isn't pretty. I haven't posted anything in a while because I felt like I had nothing to say. This has been on my mind a lot lately and I feel like I need to put my story out there. Over the past few years, I have been struggling spiritually. I haven't been attending church regularly, haven't been reading my Bible or praying regularly. I've mostly been questioning everything I've ever believed. There have been moments of clarity and renewal - moments where I'm on top of the mountain. I believe, I trust, I pray and I know God is there with me... BUT... Most of the moments have been the opposite...Is God here? I don't know. I can't tell. I go weeks without talking to Him and He to me. I go weeks without even thinking about Him. I honestly don't know what I believe anymore. If you can't tell, I am at one of those low points right now - possibly the lowest I have ever been. Yesterday, I cried a lot. I cried because
Read more