Day 3 of 182

I'm trying.
I can honestly say I am trying.
But it all still feels like too much.

Either I put in 100% at work or 100% at home, but I can't do both. I see what I've accomplished and I try to be proud - tell myself I have done something good, but the failures loom too large in my sight.

If I let it, the depression seeps out. I use the words seeps because I imagine it as this black sticky goop that follows me and seeps through all the cracks and door frames. I can't escape it. Only close the door for a respite. I try to block it. I distract, distract but sometimes that's not enough.

How do you face failure and depression - Two looming monsters on your shoulders? I've been dealing with both for quite a while and I don't have a good answer.

All I can do is try. Wake up, take a deep breath, and face the day as best as I can.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Trial of Humiliation

This week I have been struggling with humiliation and embarrassment. I never thought I was the type of person who would suffer so much under these conditions but I have been sick to my stomach and randomly crying. Most of you probably know that I am a new teacher. I became certified to teach English as a second language in June of this past summer. I didn't begin teaching until the last week of August. I am teaching two classes, both from separate employers. I understand that being a teacher requires you to be scrutinized and observed occasionally. I'm OK with that as I know I still need a lot of help and improvement of my skills. Of course, it's necessary for your employer to make sure things are up to their standards. I found out yesterday shortly before one of my classes that I would be observed. This caused me to become very nervous. I hadn't planned and prepared as thoroughly as normal and I was having technical difficulties with my printer at home. I didn'
Read more

Some things to think about...

Winters are not endless, Valleys are not infinite. Storms come and go quickly, Nighttime lasts only a short while. Winter is brutal but think of the snow, glittering and white. Each snowflake created to be different and special. Think of Christmas and all the lights. Think of hot tea and cocoa shared late at night. Think of the trees that remain green through the cold, like a splash of color meant for you. Valleys can be treacherous and dark, but think of the green countryside with blooming flowers to see. Think of calming rain showers brought to refresh you. Think of a bubbling brook singing just for you. Think of the view - oh the view of the mountains - majestic and bright, topped with shining snow. Storms are frightening, wind howling and rain crashing. But think of  how quickly they pass, especially a summer storm. Think of the lovely sun shining soon. Think of that fresh smell of the grass and trees right after their shower. And think of a rainbow glowing in the sky, re
Read more

Perseverance

I will persevere! I will carry on! Though it seems life is pointless, Though it seems I'm going in circles, God has a plan and a purpose. I know He will bring me To the place I ultimately belong. The clouds are parting, And the sun is peeking through. Some days are still dreary, But I can feel the healing. For the first time in months, I can smile freely! Trusting in God, Whether I feel His presence or not, I know He is here, Carrying me in His arms. I am weary and stretched, But He gives me strength For each new day. If I am to know Him, I must share in His sufferings. Who better to share with Than my Most High God? He knows me more intimately Than any other. He is the only one who can heal me. I will press on And fix my eyes to the goal. No matter what happens around me, Though all my friends fail Or abandon me, I'll keep my eyes on the prize For He never fails, Nor will He leave me!
Read more